Four Years

Today at 2:15pm, I walked out of Robinson Hall at George Mason University with a feeling that I have never felt before. I had just finished college. I had plunked down my final exam in Health Economics on my professor's desk, walked triumphantly out of the room and...nothing. No parades, no people screaming my name and cheering for me, not even confetti.

But I was done. I had completed four years of tests, papers, exams, projects, presentations, part time jobs, and even a social life. I walked a little taller. I smiled. And then I called my big brother. He walked this same walk four years ago. Big brothers are great. Little brothers are too, but big brothers are great in an entirely different capacity. That experience they have of being older therefore wiser, and also knowing how guys brains work is a double threat. They rock.

For so long I have been trying to figure out how to sum up my crazy-train of a brain, and explain what graduating means. All I had to do was call my big brother and say, I'm done. And he knew. No lengthy explanation needed, he just knew. And our brief phone conversation made me realize the most important thing I have learned in college. 

God knows me.

Too often I feel the need to explain myself and my thoughts in ways that are clever, funny, or maybe even insightful. God doesn't need me to use a thesaurus to tell him how I feel. He knows. He knows that plenty of people have graduated before, and even more will continue to experience it, but He knows I am unique in my emotions.

Part of this wonderful lesson of knowing God knows me, is to see the sacredness in this most intimate relationship. So much is best kept between Him and me. Knowing God knows me has helped me desire the Marion virtue of pondering in the heart. Mary was amazing at pondering great occurrences quietly in her heart. (Read around Luke 2:19). She knew how to have an intimate relationship with God, the most intimate relationship between God and woman the world has ever seen.

So I don't need any parades or confetti. In fact, I don't really want them. I am happy to share these unable-to-be-articulated thoughts and emotions with Someone who knows me more deeply than I know myself. I am happy to sit in front of the tenderest of gazes, and be known, and still loved. I am happy.

Adventures

My parents roll their eyes every time I wonder out loud how life as I know it is about to be over. The past four years of little to no responsibility is ending, and the terrible horrible life of being a grown up with a job and bills is beginning. My mother always reminds me that life is just beginning. She assures me that every year of her life has been richer and fuller with joy, wisdom and experience.

She's right of course. I can't see how life could have been anything but infinitely more wonderful as she got older, because she had me as a daughter.

But despite my mother's correct advice, I still felt as if all fun things were finished, adventures were no longer feasible and I ought to look into buying a cat. With this impending doom of old age approaching, I bought plane tickets to Italy. One last adventure before osteoporosis.

To prepare for this European excursion, I had to drive home to the beach to pack up some of my few belongings that didn't make the cut of dorm room appropriate. As I was sifting through old clothes and photographs, I found a true gem. I found my journal from my study abroad trip in high school. What. A. Hoot!

Here are a few glances inside the workings of my 17 year old brain:

[on the flight to switzerland] "A toddler has been crying for about 10 minutes straight with no sign of stopping anytime soon. I have never wanted to tell a child to shut-up until RIGHT NOW."

[on the bus to Italy] "Our bus driver is named Francesco. Hot."

[first day in Italy] "The best part of our day is going to be lunch time, when we are on our own [no chaperones]. The educational part is important, but on our own time, I think, is when we learn the most."

"Italians are feisty drivers, but they are the best drivers I have ever seen. It's like there are no such thing as car accidents!"

"Cultural comparison of the day: Italy has better looking boys! I don't know what's going on in America, but we need some Italian men over there."

"The Sistine Chapel was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined."

[day trip to Capri] "We had two tour guides, Nello and Ivan. Nello was awesome and Ivan was beautiful. Enough said."

"In Greece, you have to pay for water. I like American restaurants better."

"My hotel bathroom has no shower curtain, and you have to hold the shower head up. I think I like American hotels better too."


Shortly after that trip, it was time to graduate high school. Life as I knew it would be over. My mother told me time and again how wonderful her college experience was. She did her best to convince me that adventures are yet to come. Oh dear, this is all starting to sound familiar. My mother reiterates her wisdom everyday, life gets better and better.

And it will. God is good and life is fabulous. Simple as that.

Nostalgia

My mind is a swirly mess of nostalgia, excitement, and sadness. No matter how hard I try, I can't explain to you how I feel. Instead, I am going to remember the things that make me smile, and share them with you here.

-meeting my new roommate on the first day of college and realizing we had matching bedspreads

-donning my bathing suit at 2:00am with some hall mates to go mud-sliding outside of the freshman dorms because it was raining, warm, and we were wide awake

and i still didn't do laundry for a week after that

-my first hangover, followed by my first confession with our chaplain at school

-my first adoration

-picking my major simply because I loved it

-that one time I didn't wake up until 4:00pm

-that other time I didn't wake up until 4:00pm

-being on the coolest intramural soccer team ever, the Dir-T-Birdz (5 time undefeated champions!)

everyone did the birdz wing flap. i made a beak. KAKAW!

-exploring the nations capital, a big switch from beach living

-front row seats near the 50 yard line and an NFL game

wearing my dir-t-birdz shirt :)

-sticking my tongue to a pole during the snowpocalypse

for someone who has watched A Christmas Story 8 million times, you'd think I would have known better

 -being a bridesmaid for my beautiful cousin

-musically and vocally talented friends who share their beautiful gifts with their not-so-talented-but-love-listening-to-people-who-are friends

-summer vacations and spring breaks (they don't have these in the real world, and I will miss them something awful)

-a life-changing mission trip to the Dominican Republic

-college basketball

-the best Halloween costumes EVER

sophomore year- Matilda

junior year- Napoleon Dynamite

senior year-Lucille Ball (won me the costume contest, woot!)

-a real prayer life

-being unabashed about my faith

let me show you how Catholic I am through markers, glitter and poster board (does that nun look familiar??)

This entire list is a list of memories. Happy, sweet memories that I will cherish forever. Soon to be added to the list is walking out of my last final exam, and graduation. And soon after that, I will start a new chapter in life, blank pages waiting to be filled with more great memories.

The final thing I would like to add to this list is all the friends I have made. But the friends I've made can't go down as memories, because I know they will be present for years to come. So here's to good memories and great friends. Cheers, class of 2011!

Mama

My Dearest Mama,

Thank you for reading to me. Thank you for your quiet, sing-song tone when you read Goodnight Moon and Love You Forever. You read to me from infancy, instilling a love for the written word in me so early on. You made it easy to love fiction. You embodied the character of the kind and loving mother. You are the elegant, poised, romantic mother. You have perfect posture and graceful hands. You maintain composure always, like you would imagine a queen to do. Your smile and laugh are not boisterous, but genuine. The few times I have heard you belly-laugh are some of the greatest joys I have experienced.

Anyone who has had the pleasure of tasting one of your culinary creations, knows that they might not ever eat that well again.

You won the 'best-dressed' and 'most-likely-to-succeed' superlatives in your high school. Not a likely combination.

You are the reason I love the beach.

You are the wisest woman I know. I remember you telling me that you were, in fact, my mother, not my best friend. Despite my cries about how all the other girls had "cool moms", you were perfectly content being who I really needed.

When I was a rotten little girl, you would remind me of a nursery rhyme I heard time and again, there was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead, and when she was good she was very good, and when she was bad she was horrid. That was a pretty accurate description, actually. You also told me you hoped one day I would have a little girl just like me.

Whatever little girls I have later in life, I can only hope that I will be as lovely as you. When I catch myself doing something that you would, I think, oh, I am turning into my mother, and I smile. I couldn't be happier.

I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My mama you'll be

Love,
Ruth Margaret