Four Years

Today at 2:15pm, I walked out of Robinson Hall at George Mason University with a feeling that I have never felt before. I had just finished college. I had plunked down my final exam in Health Economics on my professor's desk, walked triumphantly out of the room and...nothing. No parades, no people screaming my name and cheering for me, not even confetti.

But I was done. I had completed four years of tests, papers, exams, projects, presentations, part time jobs, and even a social life. I walked a little taller. I smiled. And then I called my big brother. He walked this same walk four years ago. Big brothers are great. Little brothers are too, but big brothers are great in an entirely different capacity. That experience they have of being older therefore wiser, and also knowing how guys brains work is a double threat. They rock.

For so long I have been trying to figure out how to sum up my crazy-train of a brain, and explain what graduating means. All I had to do was call my big brother and say, I'm done. And he knew. No lengthy explanation needed, he just knew. And our brief phone conversation made me realize the most important thing I have learned in college. 

God knows me.

Too often I feel the need to explain myself and my thoughts in ways that are clever, funny, or maybe even insightful. God doesn't need me to use a thesaurus to tell him how I feel. He knows. He knows that plenty of people have graduated before, and even more will continue to experience it, but He knows I am unique in my emotions.

Part of this wonderful lesson of knowing God knows me, is to see the sacredness in this most intimate relationship. So much is best kept between Him and me. Knowing God knows me has helped me desire the Marion virtue of pondering in the heart. Mary was amazing at pondering great occurrences quietly in her heart. (Read around Luke 2:19). She knew how to have an intimate relationship with God, the most intimate relationship between God and woman the world has ever seen.

So I don't need any parades or confetti. In fact, I don't really want them. I am happy to share these unable-to-be-articulated thoughts and emotions with Someone who knows me more deeply than I know myself. I am happy to sit in front of the tenderest of gazes, and be known, and still loved. I am happy.